Follow the light until it’s all gone

So much random stuff has been going on since my last entry that I’m not even sure how to start this. I guess I will start with the funny/not so funny stuff.

So, my neurologist scheduled me for another MRI! Goodbye all my money, hello more debt! lol Anyway, this one was for my neck. The reason was because of all the pain down both my arms. There was even one day they got so bad I couldn’t even pick up a fork to feed myself. Honestly, I don’t think the MRI is going to show anything. The neurologist said it is common for people with fibro to get inflammation in that area that can cause pain and less mobility from time to time. However, he has to be sure rather than just say, oh you have fibro that is why! I’m glad I have a thorough doctor despite the debt it is putting me in, haha.

So the funny part of the story? Well, while I was in the MRI it broke down. The damn thing over heated, haha! We had only 2 images left. Luckily they could pull me out but I had to lay still for a good 20 minutes to see if they could fix it. They finally decided that wasn’t going to be possible and sent me home. Then, around 9:30 the tech texted me (because she had asked for my number to see if she could slip me in to finish the test when it came back up and she finished her last patient) if I could come in to finish. I was in so much pain but I wanted it over with and it was nice of her to stay a bit to finish it up for me so I said yes. Apparently the MRI over heated because it was 105+ degrees outside and the cooling part of the machine is underneath a window… yup bad planning. 

I have yet to get the results on this MRI but since I’m not getting any calls I’m assuming it showed nothing. I will probably get the results on my MyChart stuff after a few weeks.

Work has been stressing me out a lot. The reason is because they are pushing me to do this application proficiency certification training. Thing is, this doesn’t benefit me in any way, it just adds stress to my work load. You have to read these long ass workbook companions, which are pdfs that are like 300+ pages, do tests, assessments, and projects. For what? It doesn’t help me with my job, it doesn’t give me any kind of raise… I’m not even going to be fully certified, it is just proficiency. So yeah, I was starting to get resentful about doing it. Especially because this one person I did back up work for retired, so now we have to deal with faxing on top of taking phone calls, troubleshooting the dictation system, and training new providers. I finished over half the work load for the proficiency then had less than two weeks to try and do one more test and a project. 

I got so stressed out that I almost broke down in tears one day. When I finally told myself, forget it Ashley, just do what you can and if you don’t make the deadline, who cares! They are not going to fire me over it. So I took my test, which I failed because I really only had less than a week to try and study for the hardest portion of it. Honestly, I made a 61 and that is not bad to me considering how much time I had to look over the material. You have to make a 70 or higher to pass for proficiency and 80 for honors passing. Then, I found out I can actually take the test later on because the changes are not significant for the new version. So I took it early and failed for nothing. Sigh.

I have a review about the test later on, if I can pass this last test I have the project left and then I’m done. I don’t plan to do another proficiency for a long time, if ever. 

Now for something really bad. I mulled over if I wanted to say anything about this or not. I’m going to do my best to get the point across without using much detail.

I was betrayed by someone I thought was becoming a friend. I felt so disgusted by what he did that I cried about it for a bit for a few days. This guy is a co-worker as well and he took some of my cosplay pictures but one night he texted me and said he was needing company so I was like, okay sure. I wasn’t feeling my best but I want to help out friends when I can.

He came over and I instantly knew I made a HUGE mistake. He was already drunk, he had taken LIFT to get to my house. At first, I was like maybe I jumped the gun because he sat so far away from me, but no, my first instinct was correct. It didn’t take long for him to get real close to me. Rubbing his stupid hands all over my legs and arms. I wanted to scream and run for the hills, kick him out, tell him to go fuck himself, but I was so scared. I had no idea how this was going to go down. I told him I wasn’t looking for any kind of relationship like that and he had the nerve to say, No, I’m not looking for a relationship.

So yeah, he just tried to fucking booty call me! Someone who is a complete ace (he knows that) and someone who has never dated him and is a freaking co worker! What the actual FUCK?! He had the nerve to be like, what did you expect and you invited me over and shit like that. He tried to say he was a gentlemen, he won’t push if I say no but I did not feel like he was any kind of gentlemen considering he kept touching me when I had to look super uncomfortable. It is not easy for a woman to just slap away a guy when they have no idea how they would react to it. I finally had an escape when he said he either needed to go home soon or he was going to sleep there. I got up so fast and got my keys and was like, let me get you home.

That guy has now been blocked from my life. I’m glad I don’t work in the same building as him. I trusted that mother fucker and that is what I get in return. 

Thankfully I have a, actual friend at work who can help me out with avoiding him who got super mad about it as well and helped me to feel better. 

To end off with a better topic, my ankle is a lot better. I’m out of my boot, I can drive normal now (no left foot braking haha) and my limp is almost gone! Woot!

Sorry this entry turned into such a bitter one. I feel better getting it out though. Hopefully my next entry is full of good things.